stop crying your heart out

I had a long teary heart-to-heart with H just now about friends, and their propensity to come and go in our lives. I guess we’ve both lost people that we thought would always be there, and had friendships that we thought were solid crumble to pieces.

You know, the other day I was sitting in class when it occurred to me that the most important things I learnt from my six years in school prior to university were lessons in life. I honestly don’t recall the atomic structure of an element, or how to calculate relative velocity. I don’t care about genomic science or root equations, and God forbid the day I recall any one of the hundreds of Peribahasa-s that I had to memorize. Yet I know vividly the gut-wrenching feeling of finding out that your “friend” had blabbed about your personal life, the disgust directed at people who spread lies and rumors without even knowing you, the filtering out of people around you until you keep only the ones most worthy. I learnt to close ranks, to put up defenses, to hide my vulnerability with a facade of charm and flippancy. Too many people have come and gone in my life, and over the years, I’ve learnt to not let it get to me. I learnt to detach myself and to soldier on, protected by a glossy sheen of indifference.

Of all the people I thought I was prepared to lose, I never thought it would be you. I guess H is right, you are the very last link to a difficult adolescent. We went through so much together, it seems impossible to succinctly sum it up. But hey, we all have to grow up one day and maybe H is right when he says that it’s about time to let go of all that. For the record, I will always be happy for you.

So yeah, I guess that’s that.